Last Night's Visitor

I was reorganizing my studio and I noticed that Mrs. Ladybug slipped into my house for an evening visit! What a clever gal!

Simplicity

Here is where I sleep, my dreams go wild here, I always come up with something new to create. Creation is what God bestowed onto me. Yes and the 2 furry "tumors" (what my hubby calls them) are my 2 girl kittens! Ci-Ci and Sabrina.

Updated Studio

Ever since I inherited that butcher block table from my papa (Grandpa), it has now been put to a very unusual use since it's meant for the kitchen....I use it upstairs in my studio, I have my rotary board on there and use that surface to cut fabrics and such since I work with alot of fabrics...those cobalt blue metal shelves were originally an ugly brown and they were found unused in my basement, so I took them out side last February, cleaned them and then spray painted them a nice cobalt blue. However, there is a small enclosed room, I call it "the creep show room" down in my basement, and I opened it last month to see if there was anything in there. I expected a mummified body in there as old as my house, but it's just a cluttered dark room with old paint cans, buckets, and even more of those shelves! I may repurpose another set of them, not sure what color choice I would bestow on it. I do need more shelving though, badly. I know my landlord isnt using these at all.....so I will use them. Lately I have been in a repurposing kick. That and antiques.

She's Back!!!!

Wow, after almost a year, my little girl ghost is back! maybe just to visit??? I don't know, but I was upstairs working on an etsy listing when i heard a soft "knocking" at my front door, I just figured someone was at my door, I went downstairs to answer it, well, no one was there, so I turned around to walk back to my stairs, then i heard the door knob giggle, I turned around and felt that eerie feeling, so I grabbed my digital camera and took a snapshot, and this is what appeared in the picture.....do you see what appears to me as a top part of a face? a little girl's face? it's "looking" right at me dead on, I can see it plain as day, now just so you know, there is no gloss finish on my walls, it's a matte finish paint job, no glares or reflections what so ever, I did not tamper with the photo, it's authentic. the image is right above the switch plate.......once upon a time a little girl had died in my house back in the 1920's, and I think this is her, I had the house blessed by a priest, and nothing much since December last year, but she did die in November, so I am thinking she returns only around that time....to me she seems to be a sweet, but a silly jokster little girl in nature, I usually hear laughter and giggling, sometime a music box playing music from downstairs, my mom heard a music box also when she stayed at my house for a weekend back in June, I also have my electronics turn on and off at times and when i was taking that picture just now, my camera battery drained it's battery power.......it was nearly full when i turned it on to snap a pic....i do believe in paranormal activities, some people don't, but if you do believe, maybe you can understand this picture like I do....

here is the up close shot of what showed up on my camera....tell me what you think!

Letting Go...

This house was my "second home" is what my papa called it for me, for almost 28 years, my whole life, I partook in this house, loved it like I lived there, many days I did as a child, I swam many days and nights in their swimming pool in the hot Kansas summers....my papa even taught me how to swim as a youngster. "SUMMER TIMES A COMIN, SUMMER TIMES A GOIN GOOD OL SUMMER TIMES!" I would hear papa sing loudly sitting in his patio chair watching me swim and play with my barbies in the water....I sit here now as a 28 year old woman, and I can still hear his voice sing that phrase over and over again, and it echoing in the dephs of my mind. On cold blustery school days, after school and papa picking me up and taking me to his house, he would take me by a gas station on fridays that was close to my old grade school and buy me some candy and a slushie, "Every Friday is treat day", what my papa would say...and we would go down to his basement, all cozy and warm, with the faint smell of grease and gun powder and we'd work on my math homework until every problem was solved and until I understood it completely. I loved watching TV with my Nonie and luckily we liked the same shows and movies, at their pea green bar counter, is where my nonie gave me paper and markers and I would entertain myself for hours and draw until my hand hurt. Year after year, my child years grew into teen years, I still spent so many days over there, nothing ever changed. I would drive there constantly by myself and just spend time with them. Thats what I lived for, teens can be busy sure, but any spare moment I would get, I would go over and see them....I remember the beanie baby phase nonie went through, we both had a love for them, I would sit on her couch, which now is in my living room here in Nebraska, and just look at all 300 of her beanie babies, and talk about them for hours. As a teen, they even let me bring a few of my bestest friends over to swim....my friends always had a blast! I remember the very momentous occasion to where I finally brought a young man over to swim (my hubby) well at the time he was my boyfriend, my 2 younger cousins both brought boyfriends long before me, and it was a big deal for when it was finally my turn to do so! lol of course the jokster my papa is, told us both to behave ourselves out there and that he trusts us to be alone, with one of those ear to ear grins...I still laugh to myself everytime I think of that. When in college, everytime I came home, I made a point to go there at least twice every home visit. My papa would go on "Wendy's runs" everytime i visited and he would bring back a sack full of cheeseburgers and fries. To this day he will still do that. Last June, my mom came up to Lincoln to visit for a weekend and she told me the news that they were moving....I was in total shock. I didnt know how to react. So late June I came home and there were boxes everywhere! They were starting to downsize, and my grandma told me to look in those trash bags and pick out what you want, I opened one of them, and they were full of all her beanie babies! I said, "Nonie, your beanie babies?! you dont want your beanie babies!?" she told me that she doesnt need them anymore, so she wants all of her granddaughters to take their equal share of them, so I took about 100 of them back up to Lincoln, Nebraska with me. When I got back to my house, I cried for days, my hubby found me one day laying one the floor clutching all of the beanie babies sobbing like a little girl. They smelled like their house, and I just couldnt understand why my nonie would give up something she loved while still living? My last time seeing that house august 30th. I took maybe 200 pictures of every angle of that house possible, took in every room, saying goodbye to the pool, to the house, I carved my initials, "LK" in a huge rock out behind the house, even took some rocks from their rock garden to keep for the rest of my life, in a way having a part of that property. They put the house on the market about 5 weeks ago, and it sold 2 days ago....that house now has another family in it, it's gone out of my life now. It is so hard for me to let it go, I feel like I am grieving losing it, a part of me has died, and a part of my soul is still left in that house. I keep having dreams about it, almost every night for the past 2 months, and last night I just felt empty. It will take me a great deal longer to let it go, my memories are flooding my mind everyday, and my husband helps me day by day to grieve and i cry into my cat's furr and they let me. This is going to be a rough process in the next several months to come, maybe even years.

Here's me and my "Nonie and Papa" in front of their beloved house, I love them so much and my life revolves around them....of course in this picture, I am trying like hell to keep my composure and not cry, however, I was not successful. This would be the official last photo of me and them at this house.

My most favorite room, "the green room" well, it's actually aqua, but as a little girl, I called it green...lol, whenever i spent the night there as a child, I would always sleep in this room, my "papa" would come in to tuck me in and i remember he would tuck me into the blankets so tight, I couldn't move! I always felt safe in that room, even during thunderstorms, the darkness of the middle of the night, I would always hear their grandfather clock chime in the foyer directly downstairs, that sound gave me comfort, I will miss that feeling more than anyone can imagine.

Another favorite room in the house, it's what was called the "Living Room". I remember as a little girl, me and my 2 cousins would dance for hours to loud Christmas music my grandma would put on for us. Us three would have sleepovers in that room, and there were days when i would play quietly with my toys when my grandparents baby sat me....

Where my grandpa and I would spend countless hours, the basement....he would proudly show me his rifles, pistols, and even help me with my math homework...

Great Month Of "Movember"

This post is for the dudes! yes, gentlemen, I mean you all! Ever heard of "Movember"?? it does partake in November, and it's a whole month to where you men need to be aware of the health issues that can reside in the male species....men honor Movember by growing out their beards/moustaches, especially if the men out there are usually clean shaven, like my hubby....so take the "mo" out of moustache and throw it in place of the"n" for November, and you have "Movember" this movement started officially in 2003, but i saw a huge movement last year, and there is an actual website to this! cool huh? well the last time my hubby shaved any part of his face was on Halloween, and starting November 1st, he would put down his razor and refrain from shaving until December 1st. My hubby is self aware of all health issues in men, such as prostate cancer, testicular cancer, really any cancer in men. Since last late winter, my hubby implemented a weight loss program for himself, and now in november, he has lost a good 60-70 pounds! he needs new jeans and a belt, his cute manly tooshie is sagging in them, so maybe for an early xmas present, i will take him out to get some newer smaller jeans and a belt! I am so proud of him, he takes good care of himself, he gets regular check ups, he's very hygienic (well he always was), he smells good, and he is now self aware like all men should be!!! (plus, I dont even mind the beard!) i may actually have him keep it! So Ladies reading this, tell your hubbies, boyfriends, fiances, sons, fathers, uncles, grandfathers, great grandfathers, brothers, your dude friends, and fellas, if you are reading this too, take part of "Movember" now!!! it's only the 6th, it's never too late to become self aware of your health and well being! we women cannot survive without you men, we love you fellas!!! you keep us ladies from going crazy on each other! MOVEMBER BABY!!! If you want to learn more about "Movember" go to their awesome website at www.movember.com read on it, and if you can donate for a good cause to help find cures for the cancers that kill many men each year....cancer runs in my hubby's family, and the fact that he is taking real good care of himself now and losing weight lowers his risk!

Getting Ready For Winter

Well fall is here in Lincoln! I am now going through my 2nd fall season living here and approaching on my 1 year anniversary of my pioneering to a new state. The air is crisp and cool, a big relief from the muggy warm heavy summer air, and a bout of freakishly severe thunderstorms! I am fixing to close up my back door with weather sealant for the next 6 months, and bringing in my swiss chard, watching the grass slowly die off, and the trees yawning by shedding their leaves and blanketing the ground with them....oh no, I have to start raking! arrrrgggg!!
I am making some xmas felted ornaments for my etsy shop, so far have made 6 birds and one set of 3 xmas trees....I have found a new love for felt. I still love fabric, but felt is my pride and joy right now as I start to prepare for the rough snowy coldwinter months ahead,...... why cant humans hibernate too? that would be nice!

Here's what you missed....

My last post before today was back in February. Long time! It is now october, I have lived here in Lincoln for just over 11 months now....I am finally settled and feel that way too, not missing kansas too much anymore these days, in fact, when I visit kansas, I miss nebraska! How crazy is that!? I enjoy my house, my hubby, my cats, have a few friends, my etsy shop is doing very well, and tomorrow, I celebrate life indeed as the anniversary of my birth (birthday) arrives come midnight tonight. I will be 28 years old in about 7 hours and I am ok about it. I look back on my 11 monthshere in nebraska and see that I went through both good and bad....I had a serious illness last summer, didnt get to thoroughly enjoy the outdoors, swim, tan, have picnics in the park and all that good stuff I was stuck indoors on antibiotics, bedrest, even have my hubby help wash my hair for me I was so weak!

unsure...

here's me with my cat, Ci-Ci....just as I was starting to get ill back in June. At this point, I was feeling weak and tired all the time, and nauseous, I actually thought I was pregnant at that point truthfully, but a simple visit to my doctor and a blood test later, showed that it was negative, and that my womb was still vacant, thus forcing me to look into this further, glad I did cause even in this picture, a potentially serious heart infection was setting into place (my strep throat relapse) which unfortuantly in the early stages the symptoms can match those of a pregnant woman in her first 2-4 weeks of gestation....gave me a "scare" but honestly now having gone though this awful illness, I would of rather been pregnant 10 times over....

Summer Illness

Here's me back in July right at the peak of my illness....I was struck with a very serious illness, well a relapse from strep throat I had back in april...I had an infection in my bloodstream and it spread to my heart and it had enlarged, chronic chest pains, weakness, extreme fatigue, no appetite....and yes, freakishly pale for being the summer months as seen here with my dark circles, I was laid out for almost 2 months, from June to August. I had put my etsy shop an vacation mode frequently, due to me feeling very weak...and then of course my chest pains got worse and worse, ended up at the E.R. one late july evening not being able to breathe and feeling extreme pressure in the left side of my chest, the staff at the hospital treated me like I was having a heart attack, but greatfully, the x-rays, bloodwork, and e.k.g. proved that I wasnt,they even tested for thrombosis (throwing blood clots into the lungs and/or heart which can be fatal) no sign of thrombosis in me! but I was diagnosed with such a condition called chostocodritis. It's an inflammation of the chestwall (ribcage cartilage) the cause is unknown. I still have occasional episodes to where it hurts to breathe and I still can have achy dull aches directly underneath my left breast, but at least it's not constant everyday anymore....was not a fun summer for me...

Studio Pics

This is my studio now, upstairs in my house, and yes very unorganized, but I feel I can breathe easier up here, it is closer to God anyhow... in the green chair you can see my cat, sabrina...

A Vacation To Home

Over last weekend, my husband and I ventured out of a cloud covered city to our old home town of Manhattan, KS...breathtaking as it was I looked at every building, street, landmarks like I was still trying to hold onto something. I knew it, the next 24 hours were all mine and I was home...I took pictures of almost everything that had some significance in my life. When we got to our hotel room, it felt so awkward, staying in a hotel in a town you once lived in, my old apartment was right there, but someone else now lives in it.

But for some reason, I felt a small tug from Lincoln...could it be true??? was I actually missing Lincoln? It can't be! Maybe it was because I left my 2 cats behind at my house? maybe Manhattan now seems like a small town? what the hell?

My hubby and I went about and tried to do as many normal routine things as possible like we lived in Manhattan...we went out to coco bolo's for lunch went to radina's coffee house for pre-dinner coffee, visited my in-laws, and shopped the next day...but when we were at hasting's book store, we both were trying to hold onto Manhattan as long as we could, the sun was past it's high point, the afternoon was rolling on, so we knew we had to leave and go back to Lincoln.

So we just decided to leave then and there instead of doing more things to keep us in town longer, or we would just never leave! So we started the 2 and a half hour long drive back up north to Nebraska. Of course after seeing tuttle creek lake, I started crying like a baby...it's true I am tugged between 2 states now, and every time I cross the Kansas/Nebraska border I will always blow a kiss to Kansas.

3 months and counting

Ok, as of today I have resided in Lincoln for exactly 3 months now. 12 weeks. 90 days. 2,160 hours. 129,600 minutes. Or 7,776,000 seconds. However you want to put it...I have spent 7.7 million seconds in this strange town, 1 second seems real quick, but nearly 8 million seconds equals 3 months. The winter is rough, the traffic is life threatening, the people are reserved, and my gas bills are high. So now living here 12 weeks, it has been a little easier now that I have total lay of the land. After 2 months of grey skies and nearly 4 feet of total snow accumulated, the sun came out for nearly 6 days straight and the temperature actually went above zero, the snow started to finally melt away showing the sleeping grass and dead twigs. Of course I speak too soon, it is now currently snowing AGAIN and 2 inches are already on the ground after only 1 hour, if it keeps this pace up all day, I will see another 18 inches by dinnertime. I have now seen enough snow to last me almost 3 lifetimes and there is still 7 weeks of winter left. I dream of leaves on trees, 70F weather, sunshine, and my tulips and daffodils at full bloom in my garden I tended just last November before the snows came. I dream of rainstorms, thunder, lightning, rainbows in the eastern skies, the air thick with moisture, lower gas bills. I dream of the yellow breasted meadowlark bird coming to my home and singing me a past time Kansas song. I dream of wearing cute skirts and short sleeved shirts instead of 3 layers of clothing.
I have always hated winter and it's blues but this winter has tested my will and strength like never before. I am already dreading the winter season of 2010-2011....will I ever see spring again? I still see beautiful winter birds fly around, and when the harsh north wind isn't blowing, there is momentary tranquility. I haven't seen my cat friend Jacks in 2 months, I miss him. Maybe he will show himself when the snow is gone, I hope.

Fail...

This is what I'm talking about when it comes to really deep snow...It was mid afternoon in late December. I was in my kitchen making some lunch when I heard an engine revving over and over again, so after 5 minutes I looked out my kitchen window that over looks my backyard, and I see this mail truck stuck in almost 3 feet of snow! This mailman was in my alley behind my house, well it was directly behind my neighbors house. He must have been there for over an hour until a tow plow got him out...

It Hasn't Been Easy...

Sorry to my blog followers for my 5 week absence...

It's been one hell of a ride. I have lived in Nebraska for a little over 6 weeks now and I am still as homesick as ever. I'm not just homesick for family, kansas, Manhattan, friends, my old routine, but I am also yearning for interaction, new friends, for my life to truly begin...sure there are kind people who lend me a few kinds words or small talk whenever I run my errands, but that's all I get these days. I know I am a very socialble person, I need people to survive and the last 6 weeks have truly been hell on earth for me. I am so glad cell phones were invented so I can keep my sanity just by calling family and friends and talking up a storm. Yes, I have higher cell phone bills than ever before bacause of it, and I don't care, neither does my husband. I find him doing the same things too, calling whoever he can, talking to those who strike up conversations in public, we both yearn for human contact. I have been told in the past to always be prepared for God's curve balls whenever he throws them at you, and this is the ultimate curve ball thrown at me in my life. Curve balls suck! I have not really seen the benefits of this yet, God gave me and my husband a new life in a new city and a new state, but for what? So we both feel miserable and lonelier than we ever have in our lives?! God's plan for me, right? I better be saving the world or something in the future, or becoming the mayor of Lincoln for this...I just now realized that as a kid, this was one of my greatest fear, now coming true at the age of 27...leaving my home and living in a strange place knowing absolutely no one. I never wanted to move, I always wanted to stay in my bed all warm and tightly tucked in. Now my bed is cold, I'm in it alone sometimes (when my husband is not here) in a very old strange house with so much history........and that brings me to another serious topic...with this house I now live in, I have fought a very spiritual battle with myself in this house. I even had to have my house blessed to rid of the little girl's tortured soul. Back in 1926, a little almost 4 year old girl died in my house (I did a little history on this house). She fell down my basement steps and died....the blood stain at the bottom of the stairs still remains to this day, of course I put a rug over it so I wouldn't have to look at it whenever I did laundry downstairs. Even though the little girl's spirit was kind, dainty, and playful it still scared me at my wits because of simply the unknown. I am still alive, I have never been to the other side, but when the priest came by to bless my house and send this little precious sould to God, I felt my mortality for the very first time in my life, and I now know that my life is fragile and could be gone at an instant, and that this earth is just a shell, my body is a shell. My belief system is shaken to the core, and I felt like anything could test my strength and spirituality in God. So in my house, I have crucifixes in almost every single room, the bible sitting out, and 3 rosaries in plain sight. I also have my 2 cats that at least keep me company by talking with their eyes and listening to me. Ci-Ci and Brie-Brie never leave my side, in fact they are both watching me very closely as I type. Maybe it's Christmas. It's a rough time of the year for emotions to try to run dry. Thankfully I am seeing my family in Kansas this year, it won't be enough time I know 4 days can go by very fast. I also think of my grandpa alot this time of year, since he passed away 3 years ago on Jan. 2nd.