I know, I know...my posts are usually more on the upbeat side and full of color and energy, but today I am not quite myself today....you can just see it in my eyes, the windows to my soul...winter up here In Lincoln Land is very gloomy, depressing, cold.......cold, and worst of all....lonely. Most people up here, not all, but most are very reserved up here. They all see me as "too friendly" or too much for them to handle....It's not easy moving out of state, away from your family and dear friends, I had to deal with this hurdle for 16 months now. It's not easy at all, in fact it's like pulling teeth to try to get somebody to be friends up here...I sure miss my friends down in Kansas, I think of them often...I think of my family often too, all I really have up here is my husband, and he too is in desperate need of social contact of people here in Nebraska...winter time seems to be the absolute worst...there's not much to do cause there's always 2 feet of snow on the ground at any given time from October to April. So I rely on cell phone calls, email, facebook, and blogging to the outside world...I still ask myself, "was it all worth it moving to Nebraska?" I had to sacrifice my friends and family at a shot of a financially better life, money doesn't ever talk back though. I also have my crafts to get me by too, life is lonely in the minxden world....I am surrounded by heaps and heaps of pillows, bird ornaments, house pillows, buntings, vintage fabrics, and 2 silent feline friends, whom I wish with all my might they could talk like people do....we'd be talking for hours! My girls only talk with their eyes, and 99% of the time, I do not know what they are saying.....All I am trying to say is that I am human, not only I laugh, I cry....I sing, I weep, I dream (awake and asleep) I feel pain, I feel pleasure, I hurt, I feel great, I bleed, I sweat, I listen, I talk, I eat and drink, I am sick and then again I can be healthy, I....the owner of minxden can.....feel. 
My notions always wait my commands....my steady hands, my shaky hands...my hands full of cat scratches...
Made a new owl today, however, she is not for sale...this owl perpetrates me...so I named her "Clone"...a clone of me at the moment, she may look pretty on the outside, but look at her eyes, it's all in the eyes, I am an artist as well, I have to get my feelings down somehow, some choose a canvas, or paper, I choose fabric and sewing to assemble something I feel satisfied with at the end of each project...
Here's my little Clone up close...
But in spite of having an off day, I did make this house pillow...it portrays my house, It's simply called "The House Of Minxden"...the 238 part is my street address number, but I won't say what street I live on....but my house is a deep blue, kind of sad looking on winter days like today, but looks great in the warm months, and full of like on the inside....notice the metal notion towards the top of the house? well....I found it laying on the ground in the haymarket district just right by my neighborhood...it's metal and rusted, most likely very old, but I have no idea what it is! Don't worry everyone, tomorrow is always a new day, when you awake to the light of the morning, it's God's gift of another day added to your life. I am sure I will feel better tomorrow.
7 comments:
Sending big hugs your way, Lauren. It can be soooo hard to find your niche in a new place, and, as you said, especially in winter. Keep plugging away and you will find people with common interests...here are a few I can think of if you haven't already tried these~ library programs, volunteer opportunities (like a cat adoption program, maybe), church, card groups or a bowling league? I found it much easier to socialize with "new" people once I had Sophie- kids have a way of making it easy to chat with anyone! Sorry to go on and on- I have just been that new person so many times that my heart really goes out to you on this blue day.
thanks dear jennie, you are such a sweet friend, well, i agree it would be easier to mingle with others having kids and of course having your own kids, but unfortunately I do not have any kids, so it's like I am in a very awkward phase in life right now and probably will be for at least another 2-5 years, yes I am married and can mingle with anyone else that's married, but most who are married with kids, 90% of them usually don't give me or my hubby the time of day since we can't really relate to them yet...and we can't relate to any single people either, it's like those that are married w/o kids are stuck in this rut until they have their first...now volunteering I can look into that, bowling league is a good idea, both my hubs and I are fierce bowlers...that leads to another subject though....kiddos, we want one very badly, but right now we are not in the position to have any right now in our lives, we live in a smaller house, we need to find a bigger one, we also want to get healthier, and even more financially secure, that's the most important factor, but it makes me feel alittle sad seeing all my friends one by one having their sweet babies, and I feel sort of left behind right now, i know for a fact I will be an older first time mother (33-35) I am 28 now, it will be a while, that and I am kind of scared taking that motherly leap, I don't even think I am mentally prepared yet...but life in Kansas was so much different than Nebraska, heck some of them think I have a southern accent up here...lol it's a huge culture shock, and almost 1 1/2 years later I find myself still trying to get used to it....but thank you for your kind words!
Oy. I reread my post after I read your reply, and I'm so sorry that it sounded like I was advocating having a child as a way of socializing. As an older first time mother myself
(37!!), I just meant that I spent a lot of time in that awkward *in between* phase and was able to get myself out there more easily when Sophie came along. You seem like a much more social creature than me in general, though, so I'm not sure why I even went there with that line of thinking. In any case, I really appreciate your reply. Go the bowling route!! That would be so fun to do with your hubs, and it can be any time of the year. You'll be exposed to lots of different kinds of people, and a few of them are bound to be worth your time and enthusiasm :)
I felt the same way you do Lauren. I was 26 when I left England to come to Canada and I left my world behind.
It took a while but I now realize it was the best thing I ever did. It took a while but I love it here and this is my home.
oh jennie dont worry about the kid thing, i pretty much had it figured out that you were most likely 5-10 years older (now I learned 9 years) lol but anyway,and your little one is about 5? 6? anyway that means you were in your early 30's when you stepped into motherhood, which means I would be doing the same when I reach my early to mid 30's....it's great that you have your sweet lil sophie! and I didnt feel like you were advocating a child onto me, don't sweat it! :) I was just letting you know exactly where I come from and that I am just in this weird awkward phase in life, that's just life, but I will tell you what, I am sure glad that I am married, that itself is a blessing, and that I married a good man, your hubs seems like a nice man too! I know my hubs will be a great dad when we get our chance someday....no harm done here! hope you have a great superbowl sunday, I am cheering for the steelers, how about you?
And Jenny D. (the other one is Jennie) lol so you were just about my age when you left your home too huh? i know that is one thing we both have in common, I am sure by the time I am old enough to be a grandma, this place is home...i know deep down moving out of state was the right choice, but to live a better life, sometimes we all have to make huge sacrifices, without pain there is no pleasure...
Oh no, honey- I was 37 when I STEPPED IN to motherhood- I'm 42 now!!! better late than never, I guess :)
lol!!! i was a little off on that one, I thought you were currently 37! I'm such a dork!
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